I spent the weekend with my best friend Kristi and her wonderful family. They just added a new little baby to the mix, Will. He is so sweet, and I love him, and did not want to leave tonight.

I didn't really realize this until this weekend mostly tonight on my drive home, but I do not like people to say "I LOVE YOU" nor do I like to say it. Yes it is sad to say. I have always thought that maybe I have a little trouble with my "feelings." Tonight I realized that I truly do have trouble with my feelings. Who knows why I'm like this. I feel I was given enough love and attention as a child. I can not explain the anxiety I experience when it comes to saying or hearing those 3 words. It doesn't matter if it is someone I am dating or anyone else.

Unbelievable to my family and friends, I have been in relationships before that lasted pass the first few dates. I never say anything or bring them around cause I'm not ready for them to be around. However, I have never nor do I ever see myself being able to say those words. The thought of saying them or having someone else say them scares me. I think in relationships I try to stay distant so that it doesn't happen. Now don't get me wrong I do say "I love you" and like to hear it but only to and from a select few people.

My mother of course, Dad, sisters, always my Alex, Brie, and Aleigh, a select few family members and very close friends. I also say it to children that I'm close with and love.

There are times that I have had people say it and I can remember very vividly the way I felt let me just tell you It kinda freaks me out. I remember watching movies and seeing people freak about hearing it and having to say it back to someone they were dating, I always thought it was so silly. I understand now having noticed my own craziness when it is just some person in my life. I will probably go into convulsions if I ever dated someone that says it to me or I say to them. I never thought I would say this but maybe it is best that I be single, just to keep the anxiety away.

If I say it I guess you should feel privileged, If I don't, It doesn't mean I don't like you, Sorry like I said it is just hard for me. :)

It is pretty crazy since at the beginning of this post I said that I love Will and I do. It is crazy to me how easily I say I love him and have only known him a few days. :)